Its Official!

"Dad, I think we need to head to the hospital", were the words uttered at 4am on Wednesday 6th June.

"Are you sure? Ok I'm On My Way"

For the past couple of weeks, Gemma and myself have been to the hospital three times as Gem is in what is known as 'latent labour'. However, Gemma woke at 3am on the 6th June with severe contractions which were nothing like what she had gone through before.

Of course being the ever sensitive male that I am, I simply thought we were going to the hospital for a checkup again. How wrong I was ...

We were whisked into the labour suite, and Gem had to sit through the most severe contractions I had ever seen her go through - the pain was pretty astronomical - but because she is a super-woman Gem coped, with a little help from my expert massage hands! Luckily enough there was a television on the ward which helped to take our mind off what was happening - but ... and I use this term politely ... a couple across the way asked to turn it off as they were busy reading!

Now don't get me wrong, I love reading. But if somebody is opposite you going through extreme contractions, and you are sitting there because you have elected to have a caesarian section (aka too posh to push) you have no right. I told the guy that we were watching the tv, but he turned it off anyway. Asswipe!

At 12pm we were taken into a delivery suite for the epidural procedure, and a canula and the epidural were fitted at the same time. Again, the contractions were coming thick and fast now, but within 10-15 minutes of the epidural being administered, the pain was gone! I sat watching the machine and told Gem when she was having a contraction ...

"Blimey, that one was huge!"
"I Know", said Gem
"Did You Feel It?" I asked
"Nope!"

It was around this point that one of the first classic lines of the birth emerged. Gem uttered the greatness that was ...

"Whoever invented the epidural - get him in here because I want to shake his hand!"

At this point Gems mum arrived and I nipped out for a quick cigarette and to telephone my parents to tell them what was happening. I smoked as quick as I could and dashed back into the delivery suite to see what was happening.

During the time that Gem had the epidural she had dilated to almost full capacity and we were told that she can push if she wants ... now this is where things get a bit blurry, so bear with me here!

The next bit I can remember is looking at the foetal heart monitor and worrying my socks off as the babys' heart rate had dropped to around 90bpm, when it was originally 140bpm+. They quickly brought the doctor in as I remember and he advised they were going to use a 'Vonteouse Cap'. Again I was nervous and scared, and the midwifes wheeled in what could only be described as a plunger attached to a dyson!

Another great line from Gem now ...

'If you can get that up there, then I can get this baby out!"

Within 15 minutes of them using the posh vaccum cleaner the doctor whisked out a fragile little body and held it in front of us ... A LITTLE GIRL! Gem had secretly been hoping for a little girl all along and she had got her wish ... we both just looked at her and cried!

Ok emotional stuff aside, and some funny bits to follow!

When they gave us this little girl back to us after a brisk clean up operation. I leant down and kissed her head and managed to inhale a bit of whatever was inside Gemma. So at our most memorable moment I was there, gagging and trying to not look like I was going to be sick!

And so therein lies the tale of the birth of our first daugher ... Niamh Louise Keene!

Aint she a belter!